Intended Parents: What are the Red Flags?
So, you and your partner or spouse (if applicable) have decided to pursue the wonderful journey of gestational surrogacy. Well done! It’s likely been a long and, at times, turbulent road to come to this decision. Take a moment to pride yourself in doing so -- it isn’t an easy decision to make.
Now, as you learn more and more about the journey itself, you’ll be gaining loads of information. It’s hard to keep track of, and can be overwhelming at times. Having all of this information at your disposal can make it difficult to spot any red flags that are coming your way.
Not to worry! Adoption and Surrogacy Choices of Reno has you covered with this list of four red flags for intended parents.
1. The gestational carrier disputes the need for a surrogacy lawyer
As was mentioned in our interview with Virginia Frank, both intended parents and gestational carriers should be represented by an attorney who specializes in fertility and/or family law. These lawyers draw up a surrogacy agreement between the intended parents and the gestational carrier to ensure that everything is legal and above board.
If the gestational carrier you’re meeting with is unwilling or refuses to hire an attorney, they may not be your match.
2. Your questions are dismissed
As you shop around for the agency you’d most like to work with during your gestational surrogacy journey, you’ll likely have a list of questions that you’ve accumulated during your research. Remember that there’s no such thing as a stupid question while you’re speaking with surrogacy agencies. A few of your questions can include:
What can I expect the screening process to be like?
How many successful surrogacies has your agency completed?
How do you match gestational carriers with intended parents?
How do you handle a match that doesn’t go well?
If the agency you’re speaking with ignores your question, or is hesitant to give you a straight answer, you can be sure that this is a bad start. There’s no reason that an agency should be unwilling to answer any inquiries that you have. They should be able to answer each one with confidence and ease.
The same can be said for any gestational carriers that you meet with during the matching process. Your questions should be met with respect and should be answered confidently (within reason). If your questions are disrespectful and insensitive in any way, then, of course, your conversation partner has every right not to answer, and vice versa.
3. You’re discouraged to speak with previous intended parents
This one is pretty straightforward. When you’re going into the gestational surrogacy journey, having the opportunity to speak with those who have been in your shoes can be incomparably helpful. The waiting that gestational surrogacy requires can test the patience of even the calmest person.
Whatever the agency, they should have no issue with any of their previous intended parents speaking with you about their experience. If the agency dissuades you from doing this, that’s a major sign to look elsewhere for gestational surrogacy services.
4. Trust your instincts
Here’s a pickle of a situation. Let’s say that you’ve met with an agency that has answered all of your questions with no issue. They seem confident in their responses, and are eager to continue their partnership with you. When it comes time to meet with potential gestational carriers, each one is kind and compassionate. Everything seems to be gearing toward success. Still, there’s a nagging feeling in the back of your mind telling you something isn’t right.
If this happens for you, the intended parent, you can always ask the questions you have in your arsenal. When your agency or the gestational carrier answers your queries, what does your gut tell you? Does the feeling of apprehension go away? If it’s still lingering, you may have your answer.
While frustrating, it’s something we’ve all experienced in one way or another. Your gut tells you that things aren’t adding up, and that you need to keep away from a situation, person or place. Sure, you can chalk this up to just a flare of anxiety. New situations, especially life-altering ones, can do quite a number on the mind.
That said, however, I urge you to remember this: You know yourself best. If you don’t trust a situation, regardless of what it is, you’ll only be putting yourself under unnecessary tension if you go through with it. So, if your intuition is tugging on your sleeve while you speak with an agency or with a potential gestational carrier, it may be time to take a step back and reassess.
Red Flags for Intended Parents
As we mentioned earlier, it can be easy to get overwhelmed when you’re in the beginning stages of your gestational surrogacy journey. There is a lot of information to take in, certainly. Remember to put yourself and your comfort first. If something is not sitting right with you, take note of it.
Were there any red flags for intended parents that you weren’t expecting? Any that you think should be added? Let us know in the comments!
If you’re ready to get started on your own gestational surrogacy journey, or if you have any questions, comments or concerns, please don’t hesitate to get in contact with us! We’re always happy to help you in any way we can, and are available via email, phone, and social media.
Adoption and Surrogacy Choices of Reno has been providing adoption and surrogacy services across Nevada since 2012. You can call us to speak to someone now!