Birth Mothers Giving Adoptive Parents Gifts: Good or Bad?
With the holidays rolling around the corner, it is gift season. Gift season is a magical time of year, but maybe you are a little stuck. Do you even give your adoptive family a gift? Sadly, there is no handbook for this time of year. There isn’t even a handbook for people who aren’t birth mothers like you are. It is a crazy time of year, but we here at Adoption Choices of Reno have some idea of how to help you.
It is important to remember that you do not have to give a gift. There is no pressure on you to have to give a gift if you aren’t ready.
How do we tackle a birth mothers giving adoptive parents gifts?
Birth Mother Feelings
It may come as a shock, but your feelings do matter. All the feelings you are going through are valid and important to feel. If this is your first Christmas or any other holiday, then it can be a rough time of year. If you are still going through the stages of grief, then it can make this time of year even more difficult to tackle.
This is why if you don’t want to give a gift, it is more than okay. If you are still feeling some negative emotions about the adoption, even if you know you did the right thing, take a step back. You aren’t done healing yet, and that is okay. No one is expecting you to heal just for the holidays. There is no expectation of you having to give the adoptive family a gift. Sometimes, and it isn’t talked about often, space is needed. Healing is necessary as you made a difficult decision.
What you do need to do is communicate with the adoptive family. Let them know you aren’t feeling up to gift giving or that you’d like space. You aren’t saying you don’t want to be a part of anything, just that you still need time to heal. Adoption is a rollercoaster of emotion. It is more than alright to not be at the end of that ride just yet.
Remember to take care of you before anyone else. Your happiness and comfort are important here, and if you aren’t feeling up to gift giving then don’t.
Adoptive Parents Feelings
Just like your feelings are valid, so are the adoptive parents’. Your relationship with them is still new, after all, and you are still growing together. This is why communication is key here. It is possible they aren’t ready to celebrate a holiday with you and vice versa.
Space is a good thing to have for both sides. It gives you time to heal and them time to bond with their baby. The holidays are often stressful for everyone, and the first holiday with a baby is even more stressful. All the extended family members are going to want to see the baby after all. This may be a busy holiday for them, and that is okay. Let them go through what they are feeling and time to decompress.
This means the first year maybe there is no gift giving. All you have to do is communicate and see if you and the adoptive family are on the same page. It is all repetitive to say, but communicating is going to be vital to your relationship with the adoptive parents.
Should a Gift be Given?
If you do exchange a gift with the adoptive parents, make sure they know about it. A surprise gift can be complicated. It may put some guilt on the adoptive parents to give you a gift too, even if you aren’t expecting anything in return.
Even if you don’t give a gift, it is possible to write a letter. A letter that tells them thank you or even a Christmas card wishing them a happy holiday. It doesn’t have to be big or extravagant at all. What does need to happen is that you are comfortable and ready to celebrate with the adoptive parents.
Birth Mothers Giving Adoptive Parents Gifts
There is no handbook or guide that tackles if you should give a gift or not. That can make the holidays feel stressful if you aren’t sure what to do. Make sure you communicate with your adoptive family and get their take on it too. No one says you have to buy a gift. Remember your feelings matter too and take them into consideration. The holidays aren’t just about gifts, after all. They are about family and taking care of yourself.
Adoption and Surrogacy Choices of Reno has been providing adoption and surrogacy services across Nevada since 2012. You can call us to speak to someone now!