Your Roles and Responsibilities as a Birth Father in the Adoption Journey
When it comes to birth fathers and adoption, there isn’t a lot of talk, which is a real shame. You are just as important as the birth mothers of the world. If you and the birth mother are together or on speaking terms, you have essential roles and responsibilities as a birth father within the adoption journey. After all, without you, the child being placed for adoption wouldn’t exist.
Maybe you don’t realize it or maybe you’re just looking for more information about what you can do. You are in the right place here. Here at Adoption and Surrogacy Choices of Reno, we hope to provide you with the information you need.
Birth Fathers in the Adoption Journey
You may be at the start of your journey and experience a range of emotions. What you are feeling is incredibly valid and nothing to be embarrassed about. Making the choice to start the adoption process is a tough one. One that you and the birth mother are going through together.
Making this choice doesn’t make you weak or someone not living up to the expectations of being a father. Never will you be judged when you come to us. We understand that this is not an easy choice to make, no matter who you are. When you come to us, you are going to gain a whole support group for not only you, but also the birth mother.
Just what can you do? That is the big question here, isn’t it? Well, if you and the birth mother are still together, you can come together to set up an adoption plan. That way, you can decide as a team what you feel is best for the baby. You will get to set up the type of adoption you want with her and select an adoptive family together.
If you and the birth mother are not together during this, you can still be a part of the adoption plan. In fact, you can even create your own adoption plan with the agency. Say the birth mother wanted to have a closed adoption, but you don’t. If you both are not able to find a compromise, talk with your adoption caseworker about how best to handle this situation.
Roles of a Birth Father
You may be wondering what some of your roles and responsibilities as a birth father are in the adoption journey. Don’t worry. We are here to walk you through those.
1) Work with the birth mother. If you and the birth mother are on the same page, you have the opportunity to work with her and alongside her throughout the adoption process. To be present, and to talk with her about the available options. Make sure you listen and understand where she is coming from. Ask questions to see what adoption plan sounds like the best fit for her. If you both disagree on something, talk it out and find a compromise. Through everything, try and work together as a team.
2) Process your feelings. As the birth father, you may experience many emotions during the adoption journey. This is completely natural and expected. Your emotions are valid and nothing can take that away. Make sure that you take the time to process what you are feeling so that you can have the strength and energy to support the birth mother. To help her make any and all emotional and legal decisions. Adoption and Surrogacy Choices of Reno offers counseling services that come at no cost to you. So, if you feel like you need help working through your emotions, please don’t hesitate to make an appointment with one of our adoption professionals.
3) Be in the delivery room. If you are with the birth mother when the baby is born, and she agrees to have you as her birthing partner,you can be in the delivery room! Make sure you check with your hospital, though. In the event of a global pandemic -- like COVID-19 -- your hospital may have new standards of procedure to ensure everyone’s health and safety. Call ahead, or during her appointments, ask as many questions as you can, so that the delivery process goes smoothly.
4) Be informed and included. If you and the birth mother are not together, this is where things can differ greatly. We will always try to contact you as soon as the birth mother comes to us. We want you to be informed of her decision and the existence of the baby. To make sure that you are on board with adoption, and to give you the opportunity to be included. However, if the birth mother doesn’t want you involved in the adoption journey, then we need to respect her wishes. If she does allow it, you can help her make a plan for adoption and have your name included on the birth certificate after the baby is born.
After Adoption Responsibilities
You may be feeling some sense of guilt or even just a deep-pitted sadness. After the adoption has been finalized, you may want to turn to someone to talk to. We can help you find the proper places to go to talk and see a professional. We want you to be able to process your feelings, as well as the birth mother. You should not, and will not, go through this alone. You are not invisible to us.
It is important for your mental health that you get the help you need. Processing emotions is healthy. It doesn’t make you less of a man to need help. There is nothing wrong with it. More than anything, it could help you work through your grief and healthfully move forward in your life. While you know placing your child for adoption is the right choice, it isn’t an easy one.
Just know that you are not alone on this journey.
Roles and Responsibilities as a Birth Father
When an unplanned pregnancy and adoption journey becomes a reality, it may feel scary. It can also be overwhelming at first, but you won’t be alone. You have an important role in this, as well as the birth mother. Don’t let yourself become invisible. The baby that you helped make may one day have questions about you.
If you want to have a part in this, then you have to be present. Your voice is important to us. We want to hear from you.
Adoption and Surrogacy Choices of Reno has been providing adoption and surrogacy services across Nevada since 2012. You can call us to speak to someone now!
Meet the Author: Tia Kitchens is a college graduate with a B.S in Psychology from Capella University who has always had a passion for three things: animals, writing, and mac ‘n cheese. Two of these three are things she has based her work around. Animals are a big impact on her life due to her love for helping others through difficult situations. Through her studies, she has found the human-animal bond is strong enough to help others. This, paired with her writing, helps her record her findings and teach others through her words.
Her goal is to make a change in the world with her words and end up on someone’s inspiration Pinterest board! Being a key quote on someone’s Pinterest board it shows her words have a huge impact on people. They say a picture is worth a thousand words, but if that picture is just words it surely means more that way! To learn more about her, follow her on Twitter and Instagram!