Questions to Ask Before Considering Adoption: Birth Mother Edition
This is possibly the hardest thing in your life you’ll ever have to do. There are so many things to ask yourself before you consider adoption. For instance, is it right for you?
At Adoption Choices of Nevada, we want to help you figure out if adoption is the right choice for you. It can be overwhelming to think past what you are going to do, but take a breath in and then let it out slowly. No matter the path you take, it will be the right one.
So, what are the questions to ask before considering adoption?
1. Why are You Considering Adoption?
This is the number one question to ask yourself. Why are you considering adoption for your baby? Is it because you feel like now isn’t the right time for you to be a parent? Are you in a place where you can’t financially raise a baby? There are so many reasons why you could consider adoption but only you will know that answer.
Focus on your life today. Then take some time to imagine life in 20 years. Do you think you’ll be happy if your starting point involves a baby right now? Imagine how you’ll feel by placing your baby for adoption too. Now, which one do you think will give you and your baby the best life possible? Adoption isn’t for everyone, and that is okay. If you feel like you are confident in your decision, then you know you’ve made the right one.
2. What Type of Adoption do You Want?
There are three different types of adoption to choose from. What it comes down to is how open do you want this adoption to be.
Open Adoption: This is the adoption choice that allows for communication between you and the adoptive parents without the agency. This could mean text messages, phone calls, visitation, and more.
Semi-Open Adoption: With this option, all communication is done through the agency. This would be like pictures and letters. This is an option if you want communication but want to have it regulated.
Closed Adoption: This is the option that means no communication between you and the adoptive parents. For some women and adoptees, this is a choice that makes the most sense. Before considering this option, think eighteen years down the road and if you think you’d want to meet your child. If not, then this could be for you.
3. Have You Explored All Your Options?
An unplanned pregnancy, or even pregnancy in general, can cause chaos on your emotions and your thoughts. This is why it is important to consider all of your options. If you already have a therapist, now is the time to bring up to them what you are feeling. Maybe they can’t answer your questions, but they should be able to direct you to someone who can. If you don’t, then you should find a counselor that understands unplanned pregnancy.
If you decide to explore adoption and go through a licensed adoption agency -- like Adoption Choices of Nevada -- they will be able to direct you to the right people. Being able to find even a support group for birth mothers is going to be key in helping you decide if this is right for you.
4. What if You Change Your Mind?
Pregnancy is a rollercoaster and so is adoption. There are going to moments of pure joy, and then there are going to be moments of heavy despair. That is all perfectly natural, so if you find yourself feeling that, it is okay. Placing your child for adoption is going to be the hardest thing you can do and it’s common to have second thoughts.
In fact, you can change your mind at any point in your adoption journey. This is why you should be seeing a counselor to talk about these feelings. Laws vary from state to state on how much time you have after your baby is born and when you can change your mind about adoption. But, if you ever change your mind, consult with your adoption caseworker. They will know the state-specific time allotted in Nevada, so you don’t have to worry about that right now.
5. What Kind of Support do You Have?
Do you have a support system? Is your family going to help you with a baby, or is the birth father going to help you raise a baby? Remember that old saying of “It takes a village to raise a child”? This is very true and, while you can do it alone, it is hard. Having a support system is going to make this journey so much easier. You are human, remember that. Being human means that you need people to talk to and give you a helping hand when needed.
If you feel you don’t have a system with friends or family then you find it with an agency.
6. What about the Birth Father?
This is a little complicated to answer. If the birth father is your husband and you two are on the same page, then that is great! If you and the birth father aren’t married, dating, or in contact with one another, it can get a little more complicated. It is important to inform him, if you can, of your decision. For more information on who a birth father is check out this article.
Questions to Ask before Considering Adoption
Placing your baby for adoption, at the end of the day, is all up to you. No one can make the choice for you or tell you that it is right. Having a support team is going to make a world of difference and just know that the agency has your back. We are going to be there with you every step of the way. While the choice is hard, you’ll know in your heart it is the right one.
Adoption and Surrogacy Choices of Reno has been providing adoption and surrogacy services across Nevada since 2012. You can call us to speak to someone now!