5 Qualities Birth Mothers Look for in Adoptive Families
Do you remember the scene in Juno where Juno described her perfect adoptive parents to her friend? “I was thinking a graphic designer, mid-thirties,” she says, “and his cool Asian wife who dresses awesome and plays the bass. But, I’m trying not to be too particular.” It was a comedic scene in the movie, but it really resonates with the decisions that birth mothers get to make for their baby when they’re using Adoption Choices of Nevada to match them with an adoptive family. Maybe don’t use Juno as a guide, but embrace the process she walked through to get her very specific requirements.
The best exercise is to envision the whole life you’d like for your child. Start with the couple, or the individual, then build the rest of it in your mind. While you’re doing that, here are some qualities birth mothers look for in adoptive families to help you along.
Every birth mother has a different idea of the family she wants for her baby. Thinking about family structure helps to narrow down the field of applicants to review. What adoptive parents are you looking for? Same sex, traditional, single? It’s really natural to focus on the adults who will be adopting, but a family is also any other existing children and extended family.
You may want your child to be raised around lots of siblings or you might prefer a smaller family. If you were raised by a traditional nuclear family with the mom/dad/children structure, when you’re building out your adoption profile, it’s the time to think about if it’s important that your baby has the same experience as you. Or, you might want something completely different than what you had. Think about the full life you imagine that your child will have, and then let Adoption Choices of Nevada do the legwork to select profile photo books of potential matches to you.
As a kid, you don’t get to pick where you grew up. If you were a city kid and longed for trees and mountains, you were pretty much stuck wherever your parents were. Beyond daydreaming about an idyllic childhood, being able to choose or narrow down a region the adoptive family is from allows you to either exclude or include your child from the childhood you had. If you feel that the city you’ve grown up in lacks opportunity, culture or diversity, you can look for profiles in cities that have what you’d like your child to grow up with.
On the other hand, if you loved your childhood home and the area you live in, you can narrow down the applicants to places that mirror your experience. While region may not be a primary concern for most birth mothers, it is something to keep in the back of your mind as you’re building and selecting profiles.
The ethnicity of the adoptive family is something that you should be thinking about. Do you want your child to be raised by a family who shares his or her birth ethnicity, or are you open to a family outside of your race? Think about it. Talk about it with trusted friends and family as you complete this portion of your profile. All of the families that you’ll review have been screened and are ready to love and raise your baby, so this is, again, about the experience of childhood you’re wanting for your baby.
The presence, absence and/or specific expression of religion is an important part of the person that you are and the person your child will be. It’s best to not assume that the adoption caseworker knows all of the nuances of the various religions. For example, they may not be aware that there’s a difference between Baptist and Lutheran or Catholic and Preysbyterian. There are variations in Muslim religions that will be completely foreign to someone outside of those communities.
Evaluating the importance of religion as a whole, as well as the individual expression, is an important part of this process. If your experience in religion has been negative, you may want to spare your child from what you went through. Either way, follow your feelings. If you feel strongly and specifically about a religion, indicate it on your profile. If you’re less concerned or open to different experiences, that’s also something you can tell your caseworker.
This is a fun one. Close your eyes. When your child is 10, what activity do you envision them doing? Are they in karate? Hangliding? Writing code for a hamster breeding website? While children are independent and will follow the interests of their friends, so much of their interests will be formed by the family they grow up around. So why not look for a family with interests that you’d love your child to be exposed to?
Qualities Birth Mothers Look for in Adoptive Families
You may think that when you place your baby for adoption, your ability to have input in these areas of their lives is removed. But it’s simply not true. Intentionally choosing the family that your baby is placed in allows you to help raise and make decisions for them that will have a long lasting impact. Your care for them doesn’t end at birth. They’ll be guided by the dream that you have for them for their entire life.
As always, Adoption Choices of Nevada is here for you to help you make these choices and guide you along the way. Do not hesitate to call or chat with your representative.
Adoption and Surrogacy Choices of Reno has been providing adoption and surrogacy services across Nevada since 2012. You can call us to speak to someone now!