Top Questions Adoptees Ask Birth Mothers in Reno
Questions are a huge part of life. Everyone has them and not everyone gets the answers. As a birth mother, you are in a unique spot to give the answers. There will come a day when your child has some questions about where he or she came from. If you have an open adoption, those questions may come sooner rather than later. However, you have this amazing gift to give information they are craving.
What are questions adoptees ask birth mothers, though?
Adoptees’ Top Questions
“Why did you place me for adoption?”
This is a question that is going to be asked at some point. As a human, there is this inherent curiosity to know what we don’t understand. It can be a challenging question to answer too. The reason is going to be personal. Ask yourself why you are doing this even before your baby is born. The answer doesn’t have to be complicated or filled with tragic backstories. If your answer is simply you couldn’t afford to raise a child, then that is your answer. Nothing is wrong with that.
Adoption is an extremely personal experience. There is not going to be another experience like yours. That is the beauty of adoption, after all.
“Can you tell me about my grandparents?”
Maybe your relationship with your child’s grandparents was strained because of adoption. However, knowing if they are alive or how they felt can be an important topic. Try to leave any bias you have out of this. If you don’t get along with your child’s grandparents -- your parents -- keep it general. If you do get along with them, share more about them. Go into as much detail as you want.
“Do we have any cultural traditions?”
If your child’s adoptive family wasn’t the same race as you, then this can be a huge question. Cultures can vary no matter what, but maybe you have something special. Plus, learning the heritage of their birth family can be an important step for your child. This could be anything from where your family is from to, maybe, a family crest.
Don’t forget to have visuals, if you can. Visuals are an important thing the adoptee can have as a physical representation of where they are from. A family tree can be something to look at too. While the adoptive family is their family, there’s something powerful about learning about your birth heritage. Family doesn’t end in blood, though, and it’s important to remember that. All the same, if you have a family tree to show your child, this can lead to an exciting adventure of where they are from.
“Do I have any siblings?”
Maybe you had another child or maybe you already had some. Depending on your relationship with the adoptive parents, maybe the adoptee already knows whether or not you had any other children. It can be exciting for him or her to connect with their other biological siblings, to learn about them and how it was to grow up with you as a parent.
Like with anything, though, be ready to tell your child that their siblings may not want to meet them. Change is hard and it isn’t fair to force it on someone. If you have an open adoption, maybe they are already aware, but always ask the sibling(s) in question if they want to meet the adoptee.
“Can you tell me about our medical history?”
Medical history is such a vital part of the information that the adoptee can get. While they have an adoptive family, the medical history won’t be the same. Things like genetics can be key to learning about different hereditary disorders. Things like diabetes, cancer, depression, anxiety, and even Alzheimers can be important to know. Genetics play a huge part in how people’s immune systems work. Knowing what can happen can help the adoptee be prepared, but also let them know what they could pass down to their own children one day.
“Who do I look like?”
When families gather, there is often the talk of who someone looks like. An adoptee won’t really look like anyone in their adoptive family genetically, which can be a point of frustration or sadness. It can also make them feel like they don’t belong. If you bring in some pictures of your family to your visits, your child can finally see who they look like. It isn’t that the adoptee doesn’t belong in their adoptive family, and anyone who claims they don’t is wrong. Sometimes, you just need to find the people you look like to know what it is like to feel it.
Remember to have visuals. Visuals can make all the difference. Some adoptees handle the knowledge they don’t look like their adoptive family with grace. Others don’t. Every adoptee is going to be different.
Top Questions Adoptees Ask Birth Mothers
Questions are going to be part of the process of adoption. Everyone has this curiosity about where they came from -- even those who weren’t adopted. It is all about learning our history and developing our identity.
As a birth mother, you are going to hold all sorts of answers. Some of the questions can be difficult to answer, while others may be easier. Just know that you made the right choice and now you get to share a whole new world with your child.
Adoption and Surrogacy Choices of Reno has been providing adoption and surrogacy services across Nevada since 2012. You can call us to speak to someone now!